But there are times when I just drop all these logical ideas and just go on with what my feelings tell me, what makes me happy. The difference is that I’m entering this situation with my eyes; mind; and heart wide open, knowing that hurt is inevitable. I am trying to derive pleasure from what I can get in the moment without kidding myself that a happily ever after awaits me. I know that I am doing this more for myself than for him. I don’t refuse to see reason, I see the obvious what-to-dos oh so very clearly but I chose not to heed them not to be difficult but to be happy.
My friends are actually worried about my actions because they don’t want me to get hurt. I appreciate that so much. This is the reason why I want to tell them that hey, don’t worry about me coz’ I am happy. He makes me happy. Believe it or not, even with all the hurting. I really am.